John Dryden (1631-1700) made this statement: It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. Why is that? Initially my thoughts were the opposite of Dryden’s statement. But then I began to assess the statement more deeply. I began looking at the definition of “friendship” and what how I define it and the expectations I have when I enter into one.
Webster defines “friendship” as the “the state of being friends”. OK, let’s look at the word “friend”. Again I look to Webster ~ a friend is someone we are attached to affectionately, one that is not hostile, a favored companion, one that favors or promotes. With that said, I define “friendship” as:
a relationship between persons who are warm and kind to each other, who do not treat each other unfavorably and encourages the best in each other.
With warmth and kindness extended, the desire to treat each other the best we can and encourage excellence in the other, I guess the hurt felt if betrayed by a friend would be devastating. We expect betrayal, hurt, and disappointment from our enemies, not our friends. No one knew this better than Jesus, Himself.
On Palm Sunday everyone was thrilled to see Jesus. The disciples were flying high. (After all, they were His “boyz”.) Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, one that had never been broken, to hear the cheers of all those around Him. I am sure the disciples had a pride about them, hopefully a healthy pride, knowing they were in His inner circle. They were chosen by this Man to walk with Him, observe Him, be taught by Him and follow Him. There were only 12, you know. They were the elite in this crowd of people. They were His disciples.
As the week progressed, the attitude of the crowds began to change. The Pharisee’s began the behind the scenes attack, casting suspicion on Jesus at every turn. Casting doubt on who He was and what He did. It is so amazing to me how quickly people turn and just how fickle they are. In Jesus’ case the crowd turned and turned fierce. Their cry metamorphosed from “Hosanna” to “Crucify Him” in a matter of days. Although scripture does not record any of the remaining disciples bellowing “Crucify Him…Crucify Him…” their silence was just as deafening. In fact, Pontus Pilot, on three occasions, told the Pharisee’s and the enraged multitude he couldn’t find anything Jesus had done wrong. Yet, the disciples spoke not. Although Jesus knew what the disciples would do, I can just imagine how the “human” side Jesus felt ~ betrayed, devastated, let down, distressed. Remember He was ALL God, but He was ALL human, too. What can we learn from Jesus in how to forgive our friends (and enemies)?
1. First we must realize those who hurt us don’t realize how deeply they are hurting us.
As the crowd yelled out I wonder what other words came out of their mouths. What words assassinated the heart of Christ as He stood before them innocent of all accusations? I have found that people don’t realize how devastating words can be ~ even to the Son of God. You know the old rhyme: Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Hogwash! Bruises fade ~ words leave lasting imprints. Jesus said Himself:
"Father, forgive them; they don't know what they're doing." ~ Luke 23:32 (MSG)
Jesus lets us inside for a moment. Battered and bruised, having experienced a brutal and savage beating, scourging and crucifixion, Jesus says, in Stef terms, they don’t have a clue what they are doing. They are acting on selfish emotion, not realizing the consequence of their actions.
2. We must follow the example of Christ and forgive
Forgive ~ WHAT? I am hurt, disillusioned, betrayed, devastated by people I have given my life to and I am supposed to forgive?
Joseph did…
16So they sent a message to Joseph, saying, "Your father gave this command before he died,
17'Say to Joseph, Please forgive the transgression of your brothers and their sin, because they did evil to you.' And now, please forgive the transgression of the servants of the God of your father." Joseph wept when they spoke to him.
18His brothers also came and fell down before him and said, "Behold, we are your servants." 19But Joseph said to them, "Do not fear, for am I in the place of God?
20As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. ~ Genesis 50: 16-20 (CEV)
Jesus did…
33And when they had come to the place which is called Calvary, there they crucified Him, and the malefactors, one on the right hand and the other on the left.
34Then Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." And they parted His raiment and cast lots.
35And the people stood beholding. And the rulers who were also with them derided Him, saying, "He saved others; let him save himself if he be Christ, the chosen of God." ~Luke 23;33-35 (21st Century KJV)
Being able to forgive is allowing Jesus to forgive through us. Forgiving goes completely against the nature of who we are. Naturally, I mean the Adamic, base nature of who we are, does not want to forgive. We would rather seek revenge. Forgiving is supernatural ~ above and beyond what the natural man wants to do.
· First of all, it is one of the most difficult things in the world to accept the fact a friend has betrayed you.
· Secondly, we must accept the charge that we are to forgive.
Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others. ~Matthew 6:12 (MSG)
· Thirdly, we must know we can always seek forgiveness from the Father through Jesus. David experienced this firsthand…
1-3Generous in love—God, give grace! Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record.
Scrub away my guilt,
soak out my sins in your laundry.
I know how bad I've been;
my sins are staring me down.
4-6 You're the One I've violated, and you've seen
it all, seen the full extent of my evil.
You have all the facts before you;
whatever you decide about me is fair.
I've been out of step with you for a long time,
in the wrong since before I was born.
What you're after is truth from the inside out.
Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life.
7-15 Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean,
scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don't look too close for blemishes,
give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don't throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I'll let loose with your praise.
16-17 Going through the motions doesn't please you,
a flawless performance is nothing to you.
I learned God-worship
when my pride was shattered.
Heart-shattered lives ready for love
don't for a moment escape God's notice.
18-19 Make Zion the place you delight in,
repair Jerusalem's broken-down walls.
Then you'll get real worship from us,
acts of worship small and large,
Including all the bulls
they can heave onto your altar! ~Psalm 51 (MSG)
What do you need?
To forgive someone?
Be forgiven of something?
Just ask ~ He will help you do what you need to do.
In Him,
Stefanie
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